If you have lost trust in someone or someone loses trust in you; read this!

Have you ever been worried about trust; either losing trust in someone or somebody losing trust in you?
Has it gotten to the point that your marriage is at stake; your relationship is threatened, you are no more comfortable at your job, or that your best friend is gradually becoming a stranger?

When does trust becomes an issue in every relationships?

Our spouse, friends, or workmates begin to have trust as an issue with us when our actions, our moods, our views no longer satisfy their expectations of us; when we change our response towards their achievements, when our moods doesn't match their state of mind and heart condition. When our actions tend to be different from what they want from us.

If you ever noticed any of these in your friendship; marriage, your relationship with your workmates, understand that trust is becoming a problem.

Interestingly, you may still encounter some or all of the signs to losing trust and still be able to build that friendship or marriage again ONLY IF YOU STILL WANT TO.

Below are eight tips that can help you build and strengthen you trust challenge in your marriage or friendship:

1. If you start losing trust on someone ask yourself if that challenge started as a result of a change in actions or moods of the victim or your very self?

2. If it's a change in the victim's behavior or mood that led to the lost of trust then ask yourself if you are certain about that change in actions or mood to be deliberately against you or those behaviors have been precipitated by personal challenges on the victim but because he/she is not able to manage it you see a reflection of it to you.

3. How am I contributing to the change in the person's behavior or moods that I am not comfortable with which resulted to lost of trust in the person?

4. If you notice someone losing trust in you, don't do what you think should be done from your own point of view to correct the trust issue but try to understand the reason why that person is losing trust in you from their own point of view.

Don't think you are too right, innocent or genuine in your view that you should be trusted enough. ( You have no right to doubt me, I am doing everything necessary to be the person you want, I am honest in my own opinion). Never presume that you are too good to not be trusted.

5. Don't increase the pace at which someone loses trust in you by trying to follow the flow ( in other words, let me just do what he/she wants to see or hear) this action increases the pace at which someone loses trust in us simply because the person will definitely notice that you are acting on pretense and eventually increases their level of distrust in you. The danger is, they might forever be sceptical of every action of yours.

6. When you are working on yourself to build trust, don't let the person know your intentions ( am doing this so that you can trust me again). This attitude also affects your trust issues because the person would think that the moment they feel relaxed you would go back to your normal self.

7. When the person start changing their view of you for the better based on your efforts; don't stop halfway, otherwise you might lose them forever. Continue the good work until they start commending you to your face and in your absence. If you stop the good work because the person feels somewhat relaxed about your behaviour the end will be odd for your trust issues.

8. You have no right to get angry at the person that has loosen trust in you why they still can't trust you even when you have done everything you think should be. Continue working on yourself. They say trust is like a glass when once broken, can't be mended. This claim is only true if you try to build your trust issue for trust sake and not with a genuine heart. If you see the venture as one that should be a necessity you will take it as a lifelong process not just for that period. It's very common to hear your partner say I know him/her very, he/she is just waiting for me to accept his/her plea and then revert. When this happens, your friendship or marriage is gradually going out of cure.

These tips can help if we found out someone is losing trust in us or when we start losing trust in someone. As the saying goes; people may notice the change in our actions toward them but they will not notice the change in their behavior that made us change. Therefore, if you ever found yourself losing trust in someone because their moods, reactions to you happiness or achievement doesn't satisfy you; ask yourself, have I done anything that made my workmates, spouse, friend to react this way to me or they have just decided to behave in this way without any reason from me?

If you understand that you are the reason for the change in the person's reaction or moods towards you, do not be in haste to losing trust in them, take a time out to working on yourself first and give them time to see whether their reaction would change after you have worked on yourself.

On the other hand, if their lack of trust in us is deliberate and been caused by us, try to understand why they have decided to do that. Whether they have seen you as a threat, cheater, liar, betrayal, disloyal, untrustworthy, criminal, manipulative, etc. Even when we may not be guilty of all of the above, try to understand how have my actions made me appear to be what the person is not comfortable with?

It could also be that the change in our spouse or friend's reaction towards us has nothing to do with us, in other words, we are neither the cause or the victims of their change. Their personal life may have had a strong hit on them that they can no longer control their emotions, moods etc. to be normal as before. If we are not careful, we may misconstrued that and start contributing to the problem instead of solving it. We may tend to change because there is an apparent change in them. You may notice a change in your partner, instead of trying to figure out the reason, you may presume that it's their usual behaviour and you might also change your behaviour towards them unnecessarily.

Even when you realise that someone has started losing trust in you based on your personal life that doesn't concern or involved them, help the situation out. Help them understand that they have noticed a change in you not because they have done something wrong or you are no longer interested in them but because you have personal issues that have changed the person you have once been. You can do it orally or through your actions. But remember, don't increase the pace by doing or saying something just because you want to change their thoughts of you, let it be natural. And don't stop in the middle when you noticed they have started changing their thoughts about you, go as far as you could be convinced of that the deal is over. The danger is, you may end up losing them forever.

Finally, always remember that trust is not something we accept or addressed from our own point of view but from the view point of the person that has loosen trust in us because we didn't tell the person to change their thoughts about us. They saw, heard, or felt something that made them change their thoughts so instead of arguing that you are innocent or genuine try as much as you could to work on what they saw, heard, or felt about you from their own view point, only then you can win them again.

Jay Inspirational Mind Blog